In saying “yes” to something, I’ve upped my anxiety level a little bit.
I knew that would happen, because that’s just what I do.
We recently cleaned out our home office, which included dismantling & removing our old computer. (Yes, we’ve had two computers sitting in our office area for 6 months now!) But the day afterwards I realized that there could be a chance that I might need a current resume. I haven’t had a paying job since 2005. I also haven’t needed a resume since then. Before removing the old computer, my husband went through the computer files and transferred all the ones that might be important. But I couldn’t find my resume in the files that he transferred.
Then last night I got an e-mail about the need for a 45-minute phone interview.
Anxiety increased some more.
I haven’t done anything like this in 5 years. What if my kids interrupt the phone call? What if I get super-nervous and I trip over my words? What if I go blank when asked a question? And I don’t know about any of you, but being a stay-at-home-mom has really challenged me when it comes to knowing what I’m good at and being able to tell others.
So I prayed last night and this morning about it. This morning I specifically prayed that God would give me peace and that He would confirm for me that I indeed was supposed to say yes to this opportunity.
And this is how God answers prayer – because His spirit is in me, teaching me all things and reminding me of what God has said to me (John 14:26):
First this scripture popped into my head – Joshua 1:9 -“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” How’s that for encouragement?
Then I just felt a sense that God is in control. Even my own human weaknesses cannot interfere with His plans. What if I mess up? Well, God can still make it happen if that’s what He wants. In fact, it’s pretty self-centered of me to think that I could mess up what God has planned. Of course He calls me to give my best effort, but His grace is all-sufficient. I have no need to fear.
Then as I was driving the kids to school this morning, the song “The Voice of Truth” by Casting Crowns was playing on the radio (K-love, of course!).
This part of the song struck me as the specific answer to my specific prayer:
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I’m in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He’s holding out His hand
You see, a few years ago before I decided to start a new MOPS group at our church, God spoke to me using this scripture passage – Matthew 14:22-34. This is the story of Jesus walking on water to get out to the boat where his disciples were. Peter got out of the boat to meet Jesus, but then started to doubt and started to sink. Jesus said to him, “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”. At the time, I wondered why Jesus said Peter had “little faith” – I mean he got out of the boat, didn’t he? That seems like quite a bit of faith to me. But God seemed to tell me through this passage – He wants more than just stepping out of the boat – anyone can do that. But He wants us to do amazing things – like walking on water. THAT can only be done through the power of God in our lives and our faith in Him.
So the Holy Spirit reminded me of that lesson God taught me years ago – and that it still applies to me today. Yes, it may out of my comfort zone. Yes, I may make mistakes. But as the song says,
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
The voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.
THAT is the power of prayer. THAT is the power of the Holy Spirit working in our lives. THAT is the peace that God gives.