Something just hit me yesterday and I wanted to share it with you. Let me know what you think.
I don’t think God’s all that thrilled with my efforts to be perfect. Sure, we are commanded in the Bible to “Be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” But I think He is more concerned with how close I am to Him and how well I’m following Him as opposed to how high I’m getting on the perfection scale.
Lately I’ve been having a lot of emotional ups and downs. This is SO not me. I’ve always been a pretty even-keeled person emotionally. But not lately – I feel like I’m on a roller coaster. One thing that’s been getting me down is the feeling that I can’t overcome a few things I’ve been struggling with. One is speaking out in frustration and anger to my kids. Another is self-control in the area of eating. There are more, and worse things. And the feeling of continually sinning in these areas and being weighed down by it is frustrating. I want to be perfect. And the more I want to be and try to be, the more obvious it is that I am not. And it seems like a downward spiral.
Now there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging your sin, asking for forgiveness, and repenting. That’s what God wants us to do. But what about when your focus on that perfection makes you depressed? And you focus on it so much that it consumes your thoughts? Do you think it’s possible that this can pull you away from God instead of toward Him?
I do. And I think that’s what’s been going on with me. I have been so focused on trying to be perfect that it’s drawing me away from Him. I have been avoiding prayer to a certain extent because I feel like such a failure. And worst of all, I’ve been so focused on me, I’ve forgotten about any work God might have for me in enlarging His kingdom.
So I’m all wrapped up in myself. It’s probably exactly where satan would like me to be.
But what good is being “perfect” if it means I’ve stopped listening and obeying God?
So today, I got up early to talk to God – to really talk to Him. To repent of my efforts to be perfect. To give myself over again to Him. I think it starts there.
Have you ever been here? Do you have any words of wisdom to share?