Twice this week I’ve been in contact with women who have made some very different mothering choices than mine.  My initial reaction was to feel like – if her choices are “right”, then she must think mine are “wrong”.

What is it about other women’s mothering choices that makes us defensive? 

Don’t get me wrong, in neither of these cases did the women say my choices were bad.  But in my own mind, it seemed implied.  Like I was “less” of a mom because I made a different choice.  Ever been there?

I’m pretty sure you have at some point.  It could be over any number of topics – how you discipline, working outside the home, what you feed your kids, whether or not you homeschool – whatever. 

So my natural reaction was to defend my choices (in my mind, of course).  To start listing all the reasons why my choice is the right one.  And I think this is what starts the “mommy wars” – you know, the historical “taking sides” on issues like working outside the home.

But after I thought and thought about this, I decided maybe I needed to step back and see what lessons I could learn instead.  Not only what lessons I could learn from these moms in order to become a better mom, but also what lessons I could learn in communicating / responding to moms who have made different choices. 

Each of us want to be the best mom we possibly can.  No one wants to feel judged, and I certainly don’t ever want to make another mom feel “less” because of her choices.

So here are my tips to go on the offensive against automatically being defensive when discussing mothering issues with a mom who may not have made the same choice as you:

1. First recognize God’s sovereignty.  Isn’t it possible that both mothering choices, in whatever context, can be “right”?  After all, our families are different.  We are different.  And if God can make everyone completely unique, can’t he make our choices completely unique, and yet right for us?  Acknowledge that although you may feel strongly about something, God does not lead us all down the same paths.  What is right for me may not be right for her and vice versa. 
2. Analyze why I’m defensive.  I need to ask myself whether or not my choice was in fact God’s will for me and my family at that time.  If I made the choice without consulting Him, it’s very possible I could have made the wrong choice – and maybe that’s why I’m feeling defensive.  On the other hand, if I’m certain it was God’s will for me, then the defensiveness is just a knee-jerk reaction and I need to move on.  (Don’t know if it was God’s will for you?  Just ask Him – and be persistent in asking!)  Then I need to ask God if the choice I made is STILL His will for me and my family NOW.  I think God can lead us in different directions at different times in our lives.  What may be right for our families now may not be right next year.  Things change and God will reveal that to us if we remember to acknowledge Him.
3. Keep an open mind.  Instead of feeling defensive about something and totally dismissing it, consider whether or not I might learn something from this other mom.  Can I improve my own mothering by taking some tips from her?  I strongly believe that God puts women in our lives that we can learn from.  For example, maybe she doesn’t believe in spanking, but you do.  She probably isn’t going to change your mind, but is there a different discipline technique that she uses successfully that you could add to your repertoire?
4. Be careful about what I say and how I say it.  If we say “my way is the right way” and don’t acknowledge God’s sovereignty in her life, we are removing any chance of learning from one another.  My rule for myself – particularly when I talk about my choice to stay home with my kids – is to offer my story ONLY when asked specifically for it or when the woman I’m talking to has expressed that she is feeling confused in that area and I think my story might help. 

So that’s what I’ve come up with.  I think I can boil it down to this:  remember God is in control, be sure I’m following Him, be gracious, and be open to learning! 

If anyone else has tips, I’d love to hear them!

I am always curious about what other people cook for their families.  Mostly just because it gives me really good ideas.  I love to try new recipes, too.

So I want to play a little game… and I hope you’ll play along!

I want to hear about-

(1)  the dinner that you cook most often for your family (and if you have a recipe, please share it!), and

(2) the “new” recipe you tried most recently (this can be anything – not just a meal).

So here are my two:

The dinner I make most often is “Cheesy Chicken and Rice Bake”.  I make it because it is super-simple to prepare and everyone in my family likes it.  I LOVE a night with no complaints!

Cheesy Chicken and Rice Bake

4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves

1 cup uncooked minute rice

1 cup condensed cream of chicken soup

1 cup water

1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

black pepper

paprika

Mix the rice, soup, water and cheese in a casserole dish.  Place the chicken on top.  Sprinkle with black pepper and paprika to taste.  Bake at 375 degrees for about 45 minutes or until chicken is done.  Mix rice before serving.

The most recent “new” recipe I tried was yesterday for our MOPS meeting – it’s a recipe I got recently from a friend from grad school.  I already got a couple of requests to share the recipe, so I guess it’s a winner!

Pumpkin Cookies with Brown Butter Frosting

Cookie Ingredients:

2/3 c granulated sugar

2/3 cup packed brown sugar

3/4 c butter or margarine, softened

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 c canned pumpkin

2 eggs

2 1/4 c all purpose flour

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

Frosting Ingredients:

3 c powdered sugar

1 tsp vanilla

3 to 4 T milk

1/3 c butter (do not use margarine)

Heat oven to 375 degrees.  In large bowl beat granulated sugar, brown sugar, 3/4 c butter (or margarine) and 1 tsp vanilla with electric mixer on medium speed until well blended.  Beat in pumpkin and eggs until well mixed. On low speed, beat in flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt.  Drop dough onto ungreased cookie sheet in heaping tablespoonfuls. Bake 10 to 12 min until almost no indentation remains when touched in the center. Immediate remove cookies from sheet and place on cooling rack. Cool completely (about 45 min).  In medium bowl, place powdered sugar, 1 teaspoon vanilla, and 3 tablespoons of milk.  In 1-quart saucepan, heat 1/3 cup butter over medium heat, stirring constantly until light brown.  Pour butter over the powder sugar mixture and beat on low speed about 1 min.  Add remaining milk if necessary to make frosting creamy and spreadable. Generously frost cookies.

Hope you enjoy these recipes!  And I can’t wait to hear yours!  You can either put them in your comment or put them on your own blog and leave me a link!  Thanks!

Have you ever heard of Hearts At Home? 

It’s a “Christ-centered organization that encourages, educates, and equips women in the profession of motherhood” (from their mission statement).  You should check it out!

(And not only because I’ve been asked to guest-post on their blog. (You wanna see it, don’t you?  go here).  I am honored to in some small way be a part of this fabulous ministry!)

My first encounter with Hearts at Home was when I picked out a book from our MOPS library called “Professionalizing Motherhood”.  It was shortly after I stopped working to be a stay-at-home-mom.  This book was a blessing to me because it gave me a sense of purpose in my mothering – something that was lacking when I said goodbye to my work-outside-the-home days.

So click on one of the links above and see what awesome resources might be of help to you!!

That’s how our 2 year old says “Splash Lagoon”.

Which is where we went for a few days recently.

My 8 year old said it was the best vacation EVER. 

Here’s some pics…

**Please notice the snow outside the window ~ the kids thought it was the coolest thing to be swimming and watching it snow outside at the same time!**

My husband said it was not the best vacation EVER … that would be a return trip (alone) to our honeymoon spot … but I think this was pretty good for a low-key, short, fairly inexpensive vacation with three kids!

Potty training has finally begun in earnest around here.

We’re not doing too badly.  The little one seems to be “getting it”, and that makes me glad I waited so long.

Today we had a poopy in the potty – her first.

It was so, so cute.  I had left her on the toilet for quite a while – she kept insisting she was going to go.  Then I peeked in and saw her standing, pulling toilet paper off the roll.

And then she said “oh, gosh.  oh, gosh.  ucky.”  And then flushed.

I couldn’t help but laugh.  Normally the gosh word is forbidden, and I gently remind the kids to say “oh my” or “oh my goodness” instead, but this was just so cute that all I could do was laugh at her.  I didn’t even know she knew that word.

So, the potty adventures march on… we’ll see how tomorrow goes!

(p.s., thanks for all the comments and prayers in response to my last post… I so appreciate it!)

Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged.  For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged.  For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

How ironic that this verse was my kids’ memory verse for church last weekend and we repeated it over and over on the way to church (yes, we are procrastinators!). 

The following day, I got a call from the TrialNet coordinator and I learned some info that earlier in the month I had been wondering, Do I Really Want to Know?  I had ended that post with the same verse – Joshua 1:9.  It IS ironic.  But it’s not a coincidence.

Jesus assured us in Matthew that the Holy Spirit would be with us, reminding us of all God has said to us.  (John 14:26  “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.”)
The Holy Spirit has obviously been whispering to me!

What I found out is that my oldest child has elevated levels of one of the three autoantibodies that is tested in Phase 1 of TrialNet – these autoantibodies are used as a screening test for increased risk of Type 1 diabetes.  I have done much reading since then, and as far as I can tell, this translates into her having about a 15% chance of getting diabetes in her lifetime.  (To give you some perspective, a child with no family history of diabetes and no elevated autoantibodies has a 0.2% chance of getting diabetes.)

Honestly I have had a difficult time dealing with this news.  And in a way that surprised me.  I have had diabetes for 26 years.  I knew when I had children that they would have a higher risk.  But this news just made it real to me.

I keep telling myself that things could be worse.  People can live active, healthy lives with diabetes.  This is not a death sentence.  However, I also know the day-in and day-out struggles of living with this disease.  The way the word “complications” and all that it entails is a stark reality that never leaves the back of my mind.  The fact that people with diabetes have a shorter lifespan.  These things are what makes this hard for me.

So what does this mean for us in the short term?  Well, it means another blood draw to confirm the results, probably within the next week or two.  Then if the results are confirmed, she will be included in Phase 2 of the study.  Phase 2 is additional testing (including genetic testing) that will give us a more exact risk of her being diagnosed with diabetes within the next 5 years.

Wouldn’t you know it – she was the only one of the three kids that had trouble with her first blood draw.  It definitely didn’t go well for her.  Blood draws don’t phase me in the least, but she’s not me.  They had to stick her twice and they even had trouble getting enough blood.  It was traumatic.  Would you please pray that the next goes smoothly and for her peace of mind during the testing?

I would also ask you to pray for me as I continue to deal with this news.  Pray that God’s words become my true reality…

I have been noticing lately how so many of my mom friends and acquaintances are in need of encouragement.  We often work tirelessly for our families and are not encouraged as much as we need to be!  I wrote this and shared it with my MOPS group at our meeting Tuesday… I thought some of you might need to hear it, too!

Encouragement for You, Mom!

             To the mom who is…

 Feeling lonely… look around, there are women here who understand what you’re going through.

 Exhausted… ask for help, you’ll get through it!

 Feeling unloved… your children certainly love you.  And God loves you with an everlasting love.

 Doubting herself… trust your instincts!  God chose you as the mother for your kids, and He doesn’t make mistakes!

 Grieving… reach out to others and look to God for comfort.

 Feeling like nothing you do matters… remember that motherhood is a sacred trust from God.  What you’re doing matters – to your kids and to Him.

 Overwhelmed… take it one day at a time.  You can do it!

 Feeling like a failure… being a mom is a tough job with no instruction manual.  Give yourself a break!  Tomorrow is a new day.

 Unappreciated…  I say thank you to you, for your kids and husband.  You ARE making a difference.  Better moms make a better world.

 And Thank God that He is always with us, noticing what we’re doing, and is ready to encourage us when we turn to Him!  Read these following Bible verses… God’s encouragement to us!

To the mom who is…

Feeling lonely… Deuteronomy 31:8  “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

 Exhausted… Matthew 11:28  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

 Feeling unloved… Psalm 36:5  “Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.”

 Doubting herself… Isaiah 40:11  “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.”

 Grieving… Psalm 30:5  “…weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”

 Feeling like nothing you do matters… Psalm 138:8  “The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands.”

 Overwhelmed… 1 Peter 5:7  “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

 Feeling like a failure… Lamentations 3:22-23  “Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

 Unappreciated…  Isaiah 49:4  “But I said, “I have labored to no purpose; I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing. Yet what is due me is in the LORD’s hand, and my reward is with my God.”

At the beginning of this MOPS year, I had my steering team do a little personality exercise.  I asked them all to do this  (sorry – you won’t be able to see it unless you’re a MOPS leader!) and determine what type of personality they were – a lion, beaver, golden retriever, or otter*.  I asked them not to share with one another what personality they’d discovered.

Some info on the personality type activity from the MOPS website- “You choose certain adjectives that most describe you. For instance, if you see yourself as an assertive, take-charge leader, you may be a lion. If you are energetic and fun-loving, you’re apt to be an otter. If you are loyal and nurturing, you’re a golden retriever. And if you’re orderly and detail-oriented, you’re most likely a beaver.”

Then when we got together, I had each of them vote to try to guess what everyone else’s personality was.  I thought it would be fun to see if the majority vote of the team could accurately guess the personality. 

What was fascinating is that I don’t think the “team” (the majority vote) guessed anyone correctly!  And with the exception of a couple of women, most of the team knows one another pretty well.

For example, I had determined that I was a beaver.  But almost everyone on my team guessed that I was a golden retriever.

The bottom line was that there was a disconnect between how each woman viewed themselves – and how everyone else viewed them. 

I keep thinking about this.  It really surprised me that my team didn’t see me as what I’ve always thought I was.  I mean, every personality test I’ve ever taken – Myers-Briggs, etc. – has pegged me as an analytical, practical, introverted, black-and-white type of person.  Maybe sometimes insensitive.  You know, an engineer-type.  But my team sees me as someone who is loyal, faithful, listens carefully, helpful, patient.  Whaaaat? (and thank you!)

So it makes me ask,  Who are we, really?  Are we what we see ourselves as, or are we what everyone else sees?   Maybe it’s just a mix – I suppose those things above aren’t mutually exclusive. 

Is my perception of myself wrong?  Maybe I’ve changed?  Or do I outwardly display different characteristics than what I am feeling inside?  Maybe the women on my team just see a limited view of “me” or they’re just flat-out wrong?  Or has the Holy Spirit made me into a new creation?

I acknowledge that the “test” isn’t exactly the most scientific thing in the world!  But it sure has given me a lot to think about lately.

What do you think?

*The personality test can be found in the book “What Every Mom Needs” by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall and is excerpted from John Trent’s book, “The Treasure Tree”.

This is so cool!  And it was so simple!

After Little A moved out of her room in July, we turned it into a home office.  I painted, we moved two garage-sale desks in, put the computer in there, and the papers have been piling up in there ever since.  Seriously, if I have a nemesis, it’s papers. 

I.  Cannot.  Get.  Control.  Over.  Them.

Anyhooo, I haven’t done a thing in that room since then.  So I figured it was time.  I happened to be in JoAnn’s a few weeks back and found some very pretty fabric.  It’s a small room, and I had painted it a taupe-y brown color (which I love);  but it needed some color.  The fabric I found for the swag curtains were perfect. 

Love This Color!

Next, I needed something in the same accent colors for this empty wall…

Emptyyy...

Enter the easy-peasy home decorating project. 

Just to be clear, I found the idea here… but I kinda did my own thing with it.

See what you think of the result…

 You can find all the “real” instructions at the link up above… but for my wall decoration I used foam boards that were cut to a 10″ square.  Then I basically “wrapped” the 12×12 sheets of scrapbooking paper onto the foam squares, using a spray adhesive.  They were so light, all I needed to get them adhered to the wall was HandiTak reusable adhesive.  And all done.  Easy-peasy.

This took me about 2 hours (it would probably be 1 if you dont’ have any toddlers around!).  And cost me about ten dollars (I already had the spray adhesive and HandiTak on hand, so I just had to buy the foam boards and paper, for which I used a 40% off coupon at Michael’s).  Talk about quick and cheap!  And I love the statement it makes on that wall!

Some pictures of the materials you need…

Spray Adhesive

Foam Boards

Scrapbooking papers

Now maybe one of these days after I get all the papers filed I’ll show you pictures of the rest of the room.  Maybe.

Matthew 10:42

And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward.

Pastor Andy made the suggestion in his sermon on Sunday that today’s cultural equivalent of a cup of cold water is giving other people our attention.

I think that’s profound.  I’m still rolling it around in my head, two days later.

In this day and age of people being able to be in constant communication with one another through all sorts of technology, I think people are still starving for someone to pay attention to them.  They are starving to feel like someone really cares.

I see it at MOPS.  Moms who are rarely “alone”, but who feel lonely.  Who need someone to talk to.  Who need someone to listen and nod their head.

I see it at home.  As much as I try to give each of my children the attention they need, sometimes I find myself saying “mmmhhhm” to one of my kids, and then realizing I have no idea what they just said to me.

How can I give someone a “cup of cold water” today?  Is there someone who needs a special dose of my full and undistracted attention?

I dare say these are questions I (we all) should be asking… every single day.