Confessions of a “messy”
I think I’m what you might call a “messy”. Or maybe housekeeping-challenged. I prefer to think that I have my priorities in order and frankly, having a spotless house isn’t one of them.
No, really, I don’t live in a pigsty. However, if you came to my house right now, you’d see toys scattered everywhere. You might see some dirt on the steps leading up from the door. You’d see some dirty dishes in the sink. You’d see some *clean* clothes, all folded, in baskets in the living room…just waiting to be put away. You would see 3 unmade beds.
And guess what – I’m ok with this. Some people aren’t. The very thought of dirty dishes in the sink causes them a lot of discomfort. However, I feel pretty good if you don’t feel crumbs under your feet in my kitchen and the bathroom is clean.
For me, there are just more important things to do than run around cleaning all day. Playing candy land (for the 10th time this week) with my son. Sitting on the floor and playing with my baby. Reading great books that help me grow spiritually. Writing this post.
Sometimes I feel guilty that my house isn’t as “clean” as some of my friends’ houses. But that’s just not me. I figure if I expended all the effort to be that “clean”, then I’d feel guilty that I wasn’t spending enough time with my kids.
In an effort to get some new ideas on how to strike a balance, I bought a book of tips on how to clean your house quickly. Some were good and helpful, but some, I thought were bordering on the obsessive.
The book suggested I soak my dishrags in bleach daily. Are you kidding me? I have never done this. Actually, I usually use handi-wipes and just toss them when they look gross. So I’m wondering if people actually do this. Is this something that everyone does but me? Did I seriously miss out on an important part of housekeeping by not taking home economics in school? Am I living in filth? Are some of my friends, after reading this, going to shy away from eating at my house?
What do you think? And where do you fall on the housecleaning scale (1 being a true “messy” and 10 being a “obsessed with clean”)? I’d say I’m about a 5.
Weak with anger
So, in an effort to be more real, I thought I’d post about my biggest weakness these days. Anger. There you have it… I’m Stephanie and I’m angry.
Well, maybe not most of the time. But sometimes. I never thought of myself as a person disposed to fits of anger… until I had kids. It seems like not a day goes by that I feel like yelling at one of my kids in anger! In the past 24 hours, these things have made me feel angry:
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arguing between my two oldest children. It never seems to stop.
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my kids not obeying me. You know, having to ask several times for them to do something and they pretty much ignore you or give you attitude.
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my husband burying his face in his computer and ignoring the misbehavior.
That’s probably not all of it, but it gives you an idea.
Anyways, I have been on a journey the past few years to have more self-control when I feel angry. Two things I’ve heard about anger that have helped me are that (1) when you show anger, you’re showing your weakness, not your strength, and (2) anger is a secondary emotion. In other words, when you feel angry it is because you are feeling something else – embarrassment, frustration, etc., and to control your anger you need to know why you’re angry. I’ve also relied on the following verses:
James 1:19-20 “…be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Proverbs 29:11 “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keep himself under control.”
Ephesians 4:31 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger…”
God’s word has a lot to say about anger, and I’m still finding verses that apply. Bottom line is that responding in anger – especially with my children – is not helpful. It usually just causes more problems. I’ve already seen these problems in my own kids – they are learning how to respond with anger because that’s what I’ve been modeling, they feel hurt when I respond with anger, and their misbehavior escalates when I respond with anger.
But they have also seen me modeling how to admit mistakes and ask for forgiveness when I mess up. So I’m still working on it. I still struggle. I don’t know if it’s something I’ll ever feel like I’ve mastered. But I know that I need to keep trying.
Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
What are you struggling with and relying on God to help you overcome?
My little ones…
Here are some Christmas pictures of my little ones. I love the personality they show in these photos!
I also love digital cameras – I probably took 15 photos in order to get just the right one to send in our Christmas cards. It’s quite a feat to get three kids (one being an infant) all looking in the same direction and smiling! But even the “not-so-perfect” ones will make it onto my scrapbook page – all of those photos are a more accurate reflection of our real life!
Have a great day!
Seeking…
I read this in a devotional a few nights ago and I thought I’d share because it is so thought-provoking! Definitely worth pondering…
“I seek at the beginning to get my heart in such a state that it has no will of its own in regard to a given matter. Nine tenths of the trouble with people generally is just here. Nine tenths of the difficulties are overcome when our hearts are ready to do the Lord’s will, whatever it may be. When one is truly in this state, it is usually but a little way to the knowledge of what His will is.
Having done this, I do not leave the result to feeling or simple impression. If so, I make myself liable to great delusions.
I seek the will of the Spirit of God through, or in connection with, the Word of God. The Spirit and the Word must be combined. If I look to the Spirit alone without the Word, I lay myself open to great delusions also. If the Holy Spirit guides us at all, He will do it according to the Scriptures and never contrary to them.
Next I take into account providential circumstances. These often plainly indicate God’s will in connection with His Word and Spirit.
I ask God in prayer to reveal His will to me aright.
Thus through prayer to God, the study of the Word, and reflection, I come to a deliberate judgment according to the best of my ability and knowledge; and if my mind is thus at peace, and continues so after two or three more petitions, I proceed accordingly.”
Written by George Muller, excerpted from My Time with God: 15 Minute devotions for the Entire Year
Wow! Although I had certainly known about each of these different ways of seeking God’s will, I had never come across such a succinct explanation of using them in a coordinated fashion. I love the way it begins – saying that we need to come to a place where we have no opinion about the outcome! I agree that desiring a particular outcome probably often clouds my own judgement as to God’s will.
And to have the patience to seek after God’s will in such a way! I must confess that I have a hard time waiting for an answer after I’ve prayed about it… once. I’ll pray about it, then act according to my impression of the correct course of action. As the commentary states, I’m probably leaving myself open to “great delusions” by doing this!
I am going to be pondering and digesting this information for a while. I pray that God uses it to help me be more diligent in seeking His will.
Matthew 6:33 “The thing you should want most is God’s kingdom and doing what God wants. Then all these other things you need will be given to you.” (New Century Version)
How do you usually try to seek God’s will in a particular matter?
The Benefits of Being Real
Why do we always try to “look good” in front of other people? Why do we always try to act like we’ve got it all together?
Hypothetical questions, obviously. But still ones I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
I’ve decided that we really don’t do ourselves, or anyone else, any favors when we try to act like everything’s perfect in our lives. Typically we act this way because we either want to impress other people or we are afraid of what they might think if they knew the “real” story.
In order to remind myself that it is only God’s opinion of me that counts, I decided to list some benefits of “being real” around other people. So here goes…
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Hiding behind a false front caters to my ego (which my pastor last weekend said could be an acronym for Edging God Out!). It encourages my pride. It makes me think that I am in control. Conversely, facing and admitting the areas in which I struggle reminds me that when I am weak, God is strong.
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Acting like I’ve got everything together can make others feel like something is wrong with them when they do struggle. When I admit my struggles, other people are encouraged to be real as well.
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When I’m real and the people around me are real, we give ourselves the opportunity to move past the small talk and really get to know one another.
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When I admit my struggles, I just might find someone else who can help me!
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Being real teaches me humility before God and other people.
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Being real is less stressful! Really, think of all the effort people put into covering up imperfections!
For another perspective on this, read what Rindy wrote here.
So I’m going to try to be more real. To try to be more open, more willing to admit my weak areas. To let God be strong when I am weak.
Can you think of any more benefits of being real?
Attached
I am diabetic and have been since the age of 10. I have had an insulin pump since Jan. 2000. It is attached to me 24/7 with the exception of showers and swimming.
I’ve had people ask me before what it’s like to be “attached” to something like that all the time. The misconception is that it is a bad thing, that it is confining, that it limits my activities.
The fact is that my “attachment” means freedom to me. Yes, I have to be careful that I don’t drop it (especially in the bathroom, if you know what I mean), I have to change the infusion site every three days, I sometimes have to explain to people that I’m not wearing a pager or cell phone when they hear it beeping, and I have to roll over it when I’m sleeping. But guess what, it’s way better than having to have four insulin injections a day! It gives me the freedom to:
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eat what I want, when I want
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not carry around insulin and syringes everywhere
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have better control of my blood glucose levels… which will decrease complications in the future and hopefully help me live longer
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decrease my insulin intake during exercise so that I don’t have an insulin reaction
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get through three pregnancies without trouble!
Being attached to an insulin pump is a great analogy to being attached to Jesus Christ!
Jesus told his followers in John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
Many unbelievers think that Christianity is much about following a set of rules – don’t do this and don’t do that. It follows, then, that they think Christianity will limit their freedom. Being attached to Christ, however, is the ultimate freedom! Being attached to Christ allows me to:
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be who I am and experience His joy
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live a less complicated and more peaceful life
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know that I will live eternally with Him (John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”)
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decrease the amount of “trouble” I could cause in my own life by trying to live a more holy life
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rely on God’s strength to get through trials
I am fully convinced of the benefits of using an insulin pump for diabetics. It has literally changed my life.
I am also fully convinced of the benefits of being attached to Jesus Christ. That has changed my life even more!
How has your relationship with Jesus changed your life?
A Lesson on Unconditional Love
My first grader recently did a project at school… she had to draw a picture of someone important to her and write a sentence telling about him/her. She wrote this about me:
“Mommy is special bicas shi is nis!”
I was so touched, I almost cried when I read it! She thinks I’m nice!
One of the reasons it made me so emotional is that there have been times (lots of them) when I’ve felt like I’ve made so many mistakes with her that I’ve doubted the quality of my relationship with her in the future. In other words, I think I’ve been afraid that I’ve been such a bad mom that she would hate me! Those are ugly words, but the fear is real.
In being a mom, I’ve thought before about how parenting mirrors God’s relationship with us as His children… I can understand better how much he loves me because of how much I love my kids.
But our kids also have an example of unconditional love for us, don’t they? We can make so many “mistakes” as a parent (anything from not feeding our kids enough vegetables to disciplining them for something they didn’t do). But they still love us. They still need us. They still desire close relationship with us.
Even though I’ve yelled way more than I should… she still thinks I’m special because I’m nice. How’s that for unconditional love?
What life lessons have your kids taught you recently?
